it was christmas night. and he said he didnt want to come see my new life. and i knew right then that i would never be first, and that we weren’t going to make it. i knew that anyone who could ever decide that he just didnt want to, didnt love me anymore. and i knew it. i teared up right in front of him and shakily tried to say, that him saying that really hurt my feelings, and he didnt say a word. i drove home down those blue roads and i felt like my heart was going to stop beating and i closed my eyes and asked god what i should do. i pleaded with god to show me what i could do to make him love me again like he used to, to think of some amazing solution so that i wouldnt lose the only man ive ever loved. i asked god to show me the strength to do what is best for me and us and that boy i love with my whole heart. we were tired, we were heartbroken that we couldnt be in each others lives like we wanted…wanted…but he didnt want to. he didnt want to try anymore. so much pain between us, only because we loved each other so much. i knew what god was telling me to do, he was telling me to let go, to breathe easy and to know that things will work out because when love is real, it never goes away. God is showing me what real love means, if it makes it through this ….one day, or if its right here in boone waiting on me to find it. i have given my whole heart away and im terrified that he will keep it forever. its so unfair to ever love anyone so much, that you feel empty when they are done with you. but I asked god to help me breathe again, and now alone and renewed and strong im breathing this cool mountain air